What does it mean to “Love your enemy”?
We’ve all heard the exhortation to “love thine enemy.” We’ve all heard the Golden Rule-based commandment to “love thy neighbor as thyself.” Yet few of us ever make the attempt to hold ourselves to these high standards. Should we even try? And if so, where would we begin?
Hi, I’m Jesse S. Smith. I once taught overseas, and I once lived in a barn. I read a lot, and I write a lot, and I think a lot. Today I’m thinking about what we can learn from the teachings of Jesus, and how we can apply those principles to our modern life. As often happens with my meditations, it gets personal by the end. I hope you’ll find it an interesting discussion. I look forward to hearing your comments.
Who am I to discuss this topic?
I went to Catholic school, so I was raised on Christian doctrine; but I don’t identify as Christian. (In fact, I generally identify as a humanist neo-Pagan; although I’m not at all certain that the other Pagans think I’m really Pagan enough to qualify. I just kinda do my own thing, ya know?)
Nonetheless, in the summer of 2020 I found myself writing an epic poem based on Biblical stories; something like Anita Diamant’s The Red Tent crossed with Milton’s Paradise Lost. (The project is still incomplete as I write this; I’ve back-burnered it for the time being.)
So I was doing research for that writing project when I came across the core philosophy that originally made the teachings of Jesus so appealing to his followers, some two thousand years ago.
The problem with modern Christianity in practice
In modern times, in public discourse:
* Followers of the Christian religion often cite Old Testament dictums to justify repressive attitudes towards the social issues of our day (notably, equality for LGBTQ+ people, for example).
* High-profile evangelists like Joel Osteen preach the “prosperity gospel” that encourages his followers to not care about the welfare of their neighbors.
* The signboard in front of the local church nearest my house often displays messages about hellfire. They don’t seem to be very interested in forgiveness.
Put it all together, and from my perspective, there’s an overwhelming negativity associated with modern Christianity in the public discourse.
Despite (or because of) being frequently exposed to these inescapable messages from modern Christianity, I had honestly forgotten that a philosophy of love, forgiveness, and caring for others was central to the original teachings of Jesus.
The Original Teachings of Jesus
So there I was, more than a year ago, reading the Sermon on the Mount in the midst of the pandemic; and I was surprised by how deeply moving this message was. It brought tears to my eyes. I discovered that the message is still relevant to us today.
Jesus said, if someone asks you for something, give it to them, and more besides; even if you don’t owe them anything. (Luke 6:29–30)
Jesus said, if someone strikes you, turn the other cheek. Don’t hit them back: instead, allow them to hit you again, if that’s what they feel they need to do. (Matthew 5:38–39)
Jesus preached about forgiveness; and we’re told that he practiced that forgiveness so completely himself that he forgave his tormentors, even while they were in the act of torturing him to death. (Luke 23:34)
Jesus said, “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” (Luke 6:31)
Jesus said, “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” (Matthew 7:1)
Jesus said, “Forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.” (Luke 6:37)
Jesus said, “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” (Mark 12:31)
Jesus said, “Love your enemies.” (Matthew 5:44) The passage continues, “Bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you.”
A pattern begins to emerge.
Jesus taught that we should tolerate the faults of others: that we should love them and forgive them, even if their actions hurt us.
And believe me, I know: that’s difficult to do.
Jesus did not say that we should “cancel” others for making tasteless jokes. Jesus did not say that we should insult, harass, or threaten those who happen to disagree with us about politics. Jesus did not suggest that we should carry grudges and spend years plotting revenge. Quite the opposite.
Jesus told us to be the better person.
Now, granted, Jesus said a lot of things, and most of us no longer agree with some of those things. For example, Jesus described divorce as a form of adultery. I think it’s safe to assume that the tens of millions of divorced people in this country alone would take issue with that characterization. That attitude toward divorce is based on outdated ethical views that no longer hold the weight of majority support in our society.
So, have the passages about forgiveness and love likewise become impractical?
More Important than Ever
I would argue that these passages are, in fact, more important than ever.
Loving those who hate us and forgiving those who hurt us is never easy. These are some of the most difficult things you will ever do in your life; and although it would certainly make the process easier, you can’t expect any help from the other party.
At the same time, I think it’s clear that Jesus was speaking figuratively, in part.
Specifically, in the case of, “if someone asks for your shirt, give them your coat also” and “if someone strikes your cheek, offer them the other cheek,” he was making an extreme example so that it would make a memorable point. And it is indeed memorable. If we could live by this principle, imagine how powerful it would be!
In reality, I don’t think it’s reasonable to just stand there and allow someone to hit you in the face repeatedly. As adults, we have a responsibility to protect ourselves from harm, both physically and psychologically, to the best of our abilities.
In reality, we can’t just give to everyone who asks: because we have limited resources, and the world is full of scammers who would gladly take everything from us without a second thought. As adults, we have a responsibility to protect our livelihoods so that we may provide for our families. It’s much worse in the technology era, when a single scammer can use automated systems to contact tens of thousands of people in a single hour. There is no virtue in the act of giving to such a person.
And yet, despite these practical limitations, I think it’s clear that Jesus had a good point.
“Agree with Thine Adversary Quickly” (Matt. 5:25)
Sometimes it’s better to pay something that we’re sure we don’t owe, than to go around under the burden of another person’s constant demands.
In the summer of 2020, at about the time I read the Sermon on the Mount, I was being inundated by an endless stream of harassing phone calls. I received hundreds of these calls in a period of just a few months. I searched some of the phone numbers on the Internet, and discovered that many of them were associated with fraudulent schemes and scams, some of which originated overseas.
One of the callers claimed to be a debt collector; but I was certain I had no cause to have any of my accounts sent to collections, so I assumed this was just another scam. But the same number kept calling and leaving me messages. So after a time, I took Jesus’ advice. (Well, first I searched their number online to verify that the phone number belonged to a legitimate debt collection agency.)
I called the debt collector back.
It was a moment of stress and tension. Who thought I owed them money? How much trouble was this going to cause me?
The phone call lasted less than five minutes. It turned out, the debt collector had the wrong number. They were looking for someone else.
By accepting advice from Jesus, I had lifted the burden. Because I took the step of answering for a debt that was not mine, the unwarranted harassment from a debt collection agency promptly came to an end. (Of course, all the other scammers continued to call; but at least they don’t usually leave messages.)
This stuff really can work.
Turning the Other Cheek
Jesus taught that it’s better to allow someone else to hurt us repeatedly, than to become the sort of person who carries grudges and exacts vindictive revenge.
In my own life, I have apologized to people who I was sure did not deserve my apology; and they did not reciprocate by offering me an apology in turn, although I felt very hurt by their actions towards me. Nonetheless, I don’t regret offering those apologies. It was my way of moving towards forgiveness. Whether or not I believed I was at fault, the other parties certainly blamed me; so I offered my apologies.
In one of the instances I have in mind, the other person did forgive me. My “sin” in this particular case was to call attention to their actions, which were objectively financially harmful to me. Still, in the long term, the relationship was more important than the grievance. A few months after I read the Sermon on the Mount in the summer of 2020, I wrote this person a letter; and some time later, they wrote me a very nice letter back. Although they still accepted no responsibility for the harm they had done to me, they forgave me for hurting their feelings; and having received their forgiveness, I no longer felt so burdened by my anger about what they had done. It was much easier for me to forgive them, when the forgiveness was mutual. Of course I would have appreciated an apology from them; but I couldn’t expect an apology, because in this particular case, if they had apologized and taken responsibility for their own actions, then they would have had to make financial reparations: and we both knew that wasn’t going to happen, lol. Forgiveness, as it turns out, must be unconditional. I couldn’t forgive this person if I held on to an expectation that they should make reparations to me. I had to simply let it all go. That’s easier said than done. But sometimes that’s what must be done.
In the other instance, the party in question has very publicly declined to accept my apology; and that’s their choice. I have done everything in my power to offer that person a peaceful closure; and having done that, I am able to begin trying to forgive them in my own heart. Now, granted: it would be a lot easier to forgive them, if they would forgive me, too.
I have apologized repeatedly: once privately, and twice publicly. The private apology was in a message via a mutual friend (as I was no longer in direct contact with the other person) shortly after The Incident in early 2018. One of the public apologies was via a Tweet, which did not name the other person but mentioned their sentiments; and one of the public apologies was in a blog post that is still publicly available on my website. And yet, despite these repeated apologies, it seems clear (based on external feedback that I continue to receive from individuals with no direct connection to the original incident) that the other party, if asked, would claim that I still have not apologized. They have discovered the power of grievance. As long as this individual can continue to make the case to the world that I owe them something because one of my Tweets hurt their feelings almost four years ago: then they can continue to rally their supporters to do me harm. If they were to accept my multiple apologies, let go of this years-old grievance, and move towards forgiveness and reconciliation: then they would lose their power to cause me further harm.
And wow, can you imagine wielding that kind of power? It must be very enticing: almost addictive. Sometimes I think I would like to receive an apology from everyone who has offended me and hurt my feelings on the Internet. How great would that be?
But the campaign involved has had a tremendous cost for this person.
It has required them to dwell in their grievance for years. It has required them to focus incalculable mental energy on their hatred of me.
Building that grievance up into a public spectacle of sufficient scale that it would attract the attention of the broader Cancel Community, has required the investment of untold hours of behind-the-scenes planning and coordination among at least four members of a Twitter “clique.”
Publicly, these individuals have invested many hours per incident in acts of incitement (“hate threads” on Twitter) on so many different occasions that I have now lost count, spread out over a period of several years.
The total time and effort they have invested into waging hate against me is incalculable.
And, being the target of all that hatred has certainly caused me to spend far more time than I would like dwelling in my own grievance, as well.
The question for me now becomes, how can I love my enemies? This small group of people who I once considered my friends has now invested years of their own lives, working with a concerted, determined, coordinated effort to ensure that I will never be able to return to even the farthest fringes of their social network: because I once said something on Twitter, and one of them took offense. I have apologized repeatedly, and they have refused to accept my apologies. How then can I love the people who would work so hard to cause such intentional harm to me, personally?
It’s not easy, but I must find a way.
I must understand that they must feel truly powerless in their own lives, if they have become so attached to wielding this power to harm me on the Internet. I must have compassion for their sense of powerlessness. I must pray that they will someday find their own paths to peace, to self-acceptance, to self-love.
It’s not easy for me to love people who have treated me this way.
It is made more difficult, because the repercussions of their coordinated hate campaign continue to ripple into my awareness. I have no reason to believe that it will ever end. On the contrary: at this point, I have every reason to believe that twenty years from now, random strangers who have no idea what began the initial dispute will still be flinging poo at me on behalf of these aggrieved individuals.
How then could I possibly love, much less forgive, people who have caused such lifelong harm to my reputation and my peace of mind?
It’s not easy, but I must try.
“Bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you.”
Those who curse me have helped me to reach new levels of introspection. It has not been pleasant; I would not have chosen it; there must be an easier way to get to this point: nothing justifies what they did. And yet, because they hurt me, I have had a number of major revelations which will shape my personal philosophy and my writing for the rest of my life.
These revelations, in turn, have opened up new possibilities, and allowed me to consider becoming a self-help spokesperson whose purpose in life is to offer hope to those who find themselves at rock bottom, as I once was. If I had not been “cancelled,” and my original plans of becoming a successful fiction author had worked out: then I never would have considered the possibility of such a career.
Because of these experiences, I have rediscovered the true value of the teachings of Jesus. I have discovered for myself the true meaning of forgiveness. I have been forced to recognize and reckon with my own victim mentality, which surely predates any of these events by decades. I don’t claim to have completely triumphed over it; but at least I’m able to recognize it and attempt to mitigate it.
Because I was so completely rejected and ostracized by my own natural allies, I have been compelled to consider new perspectives and alternative world views, including ideas sometimes associated with my political opponents. I have learned that some of those ideas aren’t always necessarily as evil as my own side would make them out to be; and some of my own side’s ideas aren’t always quite as utopian as they would like me to believe. Therefore, becoming the subject of hatred and ridicule has opened my mind. I have learned much from it.
It has been very stressful. I would never have chosen this. But those who curse me, hate me, and persecute me have helped me to learn much about human nature that would have remained obscure had I been permitted to dwell in solidarity with my own tribe. For that learning opportunity, I bless them.
Perhaps those who have hurt me will even benefit from these same insights, as well. Based on results to date, I am beyond certain that they have asked their Internet friends to keep tabs on my activity. Therefore:
If you should see this, my former friends, I wish you well. I hope you will find a path to peace. I hope you will learn from the message of Jesus. I hope you will discover the meaning of forgiveness. I forgive you for the harm you have done me. I hope you can someday find it in your heart to forgive me in turn; but my forgiveness is not contingent upon your forgiveness. My forgiveness is unconditional. Even if you continue to incite others against me, I still forgive you. It is not easy, and sometimes some subconscious anger resurfaces. But I absorb that subconscious anger into my Universal Love. I feel love for everyone and everything in all of existence, even those who would do me harm. I extend to you my love, universal and unconditional. I forgive you, and I wish you peace. Be well.
